


Paralyzed

by Gillian_007



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Nico's POV, POV Male Character, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gillian_007/pseuds/Gillian_007
Summary: Nico thinks about their relationship(I really tried to come up with something more interesting but I run out of ideas. I keep thinking and I'm like 'no this idea is not good enough' 😣 Then I listened to this song Paralyzed by NF, I suddenly come up with this. So, I hope you guys will like it. Pls support and give likes!! Any comments and ideas are welcome!🙂)





	Paralyzed

**_When did I become so numb_ **  
**_When did I loose myself_ **  
**_All the words that leave my tongue_ **  
**_Feel like they came from someone else_ **

  
He doesn't even know when or how they become like this. The innocent and pure love they once shared had just fade away. No more the soft touches on his skin, no more the feeling of warmth in his heart, no more the soft kisses they used to share......All that's left is the lust and the hunger for each other. They are like a drug for the other, they are addicted and no matter how twisted their relationship had become, they can never be apart from each other.

Sometimes he thought about his life, their careers, the races, the stress they faced, their relationship......He liked to think that nothing has changed, but, he knew that was a lie. Sometimes he looked at Lewis and he wonder has Lewis fall out of love with him? Or did Lewis really love him at all? All the years they spend in each other's arms, is that a lie? Did he still mean something to Lewis? They still say the 'I miss yous' and the 'I need yous' to each other but those words have lost their meaning and they sound so weird and foreign like they came from someone else.

When did he loose himself to this? He tried to discuss their relationship with Lewis, he tried to come up with a reason to leave him. But, whenever he wanted to his mind came up blank, he can't find the words to say it out. He keeps telling himself that he needs more time and that he couldn't do it.

  
_**When did I become so cold** _  
_**When did I become ashamed** _  
_**Oh~** _  
_**Where's the person that I know** _  
_**They must have left** _  
_**They must have left** _  
_**With all my faith** _

  
He used to be the only person who knew Lewis very well and he's proud of that. But now, after everything they've been through, he feels ashamed to admit that he don't know Lewis anymore. Lewis has become a stranger to him. The old Lewis that he once knew is gone, and he has drag Nico down with him.

  
**_I'm paralyzed_ **  
**_Where are my feelings_ **  
**_I no longer feel things_ **  
**_I know I should_ **

  
After all their relationship has become, he feels numb. He doesn't know what love feels like anymore. Those hateful and hurtful words they keep hurling towards each other, it becomes so often until he doesn't even feel the pain anymore.

Nico knows he should feel something, he's human after all. But he doesn't. Everything had just fade away and all in his life had become just a daily routine: 'Wake up. Eat breakfast. Prepare for the race. Fight again with Lewis about the race. Went back to the hotel alone while Lewis go party like he always does. Have dinner. Then sleep. '  
It goes on and on every single day is the same. Life, has become meaningless.

  
_**I'm paralyzed** _  
_**Where is the real me** _  
_**I'm lost and it kills me inside** _  
_**I'm paralyzed** _

  
10 years ago, if someone tells him that their relationship in this business will eventually break them, he would've laugh at their faces and tell them to fuck off. But now? As much as he hate to admit, he's lost.

Nico knows fully well that he's only killing himself inside if he didn't part from Lewis. But he also knows that he could never leave Lewis as he needs him because Lewis is the only person he has and he hates himself for that. He's paralyzed and he doesn't know what to do. It's only a matter of time before he breaks completely.

 


End file.
